Jan 27, 2015

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

and why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is throw in into the fire, will He not much  more clothe you - you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, "what shall we eat?" or "what shall we drink?" or "what shall we wear?". For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 

But seek first His kingdom ad His righteousness, and all these will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34

Jan 24, 2015

i think about the much of everything
i think about the lies, the good
the confusion of you.
...and you on yourself.

i mourn for the trust now stained and crumpled.
i mourn for the emptied and lost.

guilt consumes,
bittersweet, annoyed.

so cry i will, until i cry no more.
for my heart, she hopes.
there's still life, i know.

this forest
will come to a clearing.

"...but joy comes in the morning." - Psalms 30:5

Jan 19, 2015

across the river
of everything i've known
is there something to be sown?

Jan 15, 2015


curled up in the dark, shivering from a sudden frigid winter raging from within. deeply sobbing and not knowing where the tears were coming from, feeling like it will never, ever end. there's more salt, caressing every raw consciousness.

a steady stream of death, pulsating

i needed answers, i needed relief. 
but it wouldn't come.
why wouldn't it come?

sleepless nights, zombified days. stranded in-betweens.
hunger couldn't even make me feel human.

an evil giddy play of a hair-pulling tug of war
my bullied little girl / my betrayed lady-in-waiting / my teased warrior.

i hated him. her. me.
i hated me.

it all just wouldn't stop. would it ever?

hours on my knees. more hours on my knees.
tired nights sprawled lifeless on the floor.
months, low and broken on forest ground.

it felt ...right. finally. something felt right.

365 days ago.
365 and back to 0.
burned but not destroyed.
forgiven ...forgiving.

but not forgotten.

Jan 12, 2015

i have a dream.
may my dream be Yours for me.

when You say "go",
...i will.