i've been reflective on the year thus far. gosh, have i been through many new emotional journeys, and back down to familiar ones. i've been happier than i could remember, but i've been through depths of heartaches. and wow, when they say the pain hurts... it.hurts.bad.
i've learnt things about myself; the typical, the shocking.
a friend has been telling me that when things don't work out as i've planned, it just means God has closed that door. of course it angered me. it confused my heart. wondering, why wouldn't He see my heart for a change and let things be the way i want it to. it's my life, i know best!
today, through conversations, i realised how much i don't. no, i don't know what's best for myself. no, i don't. no, no. no.
in the midst of me making bad decisions, in the midst of me following my raging emotions, i had failed to see the warnings, i've ignored His gentle reminders, "don't go that way. stop. rest awhile. let go. trust Me."
He knows me more than i know me. He knew i would hurt myself. but He also knew i needed to go through the hurt, to burn. sometimes, it's the only way i'll grow up, sometimes, it's the only way i'll stop steering out of control and let Him drive.
life's a rollercoaster. it's not just cliche but a fact.
i'm pullin' over, gettin' out of the drivers seat and sliding into the passengers'.
this time, the seat-belt's fastened.